@Anna – Ha, tree-climbing—we should add that to @Jonathan’s exercise list. Yes, wading into the unknown, upset over not knowing—this all sounds very familiar. Seems like the compassionate parent could at least be waving from the shore, saying “You’re doing great! It’s just a few feet out in front of you! We’re right here!” Or wade/swim alongside or something. That would be nice. (Gasp, splutter, flail)

@Walter – I love the idea of honoring the puttering rituals. And boring the anxiety so it goes looking for another target.

And I can finally get to work because, I now think, I’ve bored the anxiety crew beyond ennui and they’ve gone off to bug somebody more interesting. I’ve always resented the huge amount of time I put in before actually putting in my time, but now I’m seeing that maybe it’s time not wasted.

So, adding your ‘compassionate parent’ I can say to myself, “Okay, this dithering isn’t really dithering. It’s preparation and it’s good to do.”

Tree climbing. That’s what I call anxiety management.

Here’s what I think is going on in my head at these times. First of all, I know I haven’t sorted out how this thing is gonna look yet, and it’s floating way out there in the realm of the unknown. Second, I’m *upset* that I don’t know (even though it is plainly impossible to know, at this stage) and I’m frightened of wading out into that unknown realm to go fetch the thing and, you know, drag it back onto the beach. I don’t like being out there!

I guess the compassionate parent would come in at this point. (But really I wish my parent if she’s so great would swim out there and get the thing for me. Hmmpppph.) Not happy about this, clearly. But *very grateful* to know I’m not alone.

It reminded me of this passage from Brenda Ueland’s classic book, If You Want to Write, about willing oneself to “just do it”: “When you will, make a resolution, set your jaw, you are expressing an imaginative fear that you won’t do the thing. If you knew you would do the thing, you would smile happily and set about it.”(More at http://quotesqueen.wordpress.com/2008/06/01/the-case-against-will/.) It’s a kind of violence, the opposite of compassion and acceptance.

Thanks for reminding us!

I don’t use “hard-wired” to mean that people can’t change—it’s more about naming and meeting the problem, and making room for it as a way of moving through it. I think that makes lasting change more likely. Rather than hiding from it or getting mired in fighting with it.

@Char – Glad this speaks to you!

@Kathy – Sounds like you’re a follower of the Structured Procrastination approach! (seems to work pretty well for Stanford Prof John Perry, but has its drawbacks as you note)

@JoVE: Hm, so maybe Boice’s 15 minutes are more suited to certain parts of a project, after you’ve gotten through the most concentration-intensive part. I haven’t given up on Boice—this might be a way to get his approach to work better.

@Jonathan – People talk about exercise as a stress reliever, but I’d never thought about it from the tire-yourself-out-so-the-anxiety-can’t-lift-its-head-anymore perspective. I like it!

@Astrid – That process of writing it all out—you’re right, it’s really helpful, and it does take a long time (sigh). I’m realizing that this investment of time probably saves a lot of wheel-spinning time. Sounds like you’re noticing that too. Also, interesting to see that it applies not just to solo creative work, but collaborative work as well.

@Michelle – OK, so I need to come up with a selection of mindless escape tasks that won’t hook me (folding laundry is good; washing dishes not so much, since it gets me into the kitchen—danger!) Great idea.

@Catherine – Combination of practical and woo, that’s the ticket! Havi’s stuff is great.

@Kelly – You can borrow my compassionate parent voice anytime!

Havi’s Procrastination Dissolve-O-Matic goes into the compassionate-parent approach in great detail, but I think this post is a great sort of intro to that idea. I’m working on developing time-management coaching myself, and I think the challenge will be finding the right combination of practical tactics and woo approaches for each client.

Great post!

It helps remove some of the “shoulds”…the feeling that you should finish the blog post (or freelance article, or book chapter, or whatever) might not go away, but if you build in the expectation that you’ll experience some (or a lot of) anxiety, you won’t feel that you **should** somehow be able to avoid that, that you **should** write it faster than the anxiety is letting you, etc.

As far as practical suggestions go, I agree with Jonathan that physical movement helps. (It might be interesting to recruit a partner’s help using his last example!) But rather than doing something that’s workout-level intense, I’ll sometimes do a mundane and mindless task like folding the laundry. You can alternate the task with writing without losing the thread of your…well, your anxiety.

Take the laundry basket to the computer. Write a few sentences. Breathe deeply. Fold a couple of shirts while you’re mulling over your next thought. Tap out another sentence or two. Match some socks. Soon you’ve got the laundry done, and if you’re lucky, a couple more paragraphs of writing. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll have at least gotten past the cacophony and prickliness to the point where you can finish the piece.

I like your pillow idea, too. I have a pretty little rainbow-colored hacky-sack that sits on my desk which I sometimes use as a squeeze toy for the same purpose. It feels good in my palm.

Thanks, Janet, for telling the truth about how “just starting” feels for you. It’s the same for me, and while I’m still hoping that blogging does get easier over time, reading what you wrote gives me a sense of validation that it’s OK to still feel uncomfortable about the process.

Working as a web developer I am struggling for years with the problem of talking to prospects or new clients on the phone. Until we have created something together (a concept, a layout – anything), I simply dread calling them.

Now the term “anxiety management” just hit me with a flash of enlightenment: Accept, that anxiety is part of the process, give it time and space and acknowledgment and acceptance – as you put it: “giving it legitimacy”. That’s just it!

My tool(s):
Sit down with a pen and paper and write down furiously, what I ‘hate’ in this client, this project, myself, my work, my life. Exhaust myself, cry if necessary.
Then take a new piece of paper and brainstorm the project at hand: Write everything down what comes to my mind. Now that all the negative stuff is out of my head, I usually come up with something useful.
Prepare the calls. Write everything out: what I want, what he might say, ask, or remark. My answers.
Finally: call.

This sometimes takes up to an hour or even two. It drains me. I hate it, every minute of it. But it works. And I hope, that by time I will get better.

Maybe the acceptance is the key: It’s just the way it is now. You don’t have to like it, but fighting it won’t help either. Take it seriously and give it/yourself the support and kindness you need right in that moment.

Thank you for this one!